Long John Silver's

The first Friday during lent in 2009, my wife was working in the evening so I decided to take the 3 kids out to dinner at Long John Silver's.  In the Catholic community of Dubuque, lent keeps any fish selling restaurant in business.  I've noticed that LJS is pretty sparsely populated except during the few weeks where fish is consumed on Fridays. So we went, knowing that they would have quite a crowd and their best fish specials on hand.

 

Once I pulled in and parked at the beloved eatery, I barked to the kids the usual, "No running in the parking lot"  and "Let's go in together" type of orders and we went inside. I was a little surprised to find the restaurant empty, except for a couple of degenerates working the fish boilers in the back.

 

I ordered a family meal with a tiny alteration but the genius at the register couldn't figure out how to get us a 9 piece fish meal without coleslaw. So after a few minutes of discussing substitution or even getting a completely different meal order to accommodate us, he brought over his manager.  It turns out that the "manager" was a fellow teenager apparently on his first job assignment. The two aristocrats shrugged a little then scratched their unkempt heads. Then they figured that arguing with me about what I wanted to order would be the best way to get rid of me.  

 

We got coleslaw.

 

I also ordered a couple of shrimp for Aiden as a special treat.  A few minutes later we were enjoying our cokes that had been mixed and poured to perfection by my three kids. The beverages were great. 

 

The frozen cod had been fried in a cholesterol laden vat of fishy smelling oil and was served on a bed of artery clogging breading.  The coleslaw lay dormant and lonely attracting no attention at all on the corner of the table by the vinegar. None of the children appreciated the fine cuisine at all. In fact, no one ate more than a few bites of anything. So that meant more for me!  I had a hey-day!  All you can eat fish!  Daddy was happy. 

 

In my glow of fish consumption, I pondered why vinegar was ever used as a table dressing. Who was the first to say, "Hey, this fish is great! Why not make it taste better and put some vinegar on it?" Technically, vinegar is nothing more than 5% acetic acid. Really, this has little use except for removing stains and dying eggs. Why would you pour it on fish?  And why have it on every table in the place?  Nonetheless, once it was decided that Long John Silver's would use vinegar on a daily basis, why hasn't any other restaurant followed suit? It must be that the wisdom of LJS executives is far superior to any other restaurant albeit a solitary eatery, or a nationwide chain.

 

I looked up at the frowning children on the other side of the formica table while I indulged in the delicatesory delight and noticed that I was the only one eating. So with my mouth full, I motioned to Aiden to try his Shrimp. He slowly took a bite and then quickly put it down. I was disappointed in his inability to change his mood and enjoy the wonderful treat so I dipped it in some cocktail sauce for him and gave it back.

 

"No thanks, Dad" he said, shaking his head.  "You can have it."

 

I tried to hide my elation. While I enjoy fish, I absolutely love shrimp. Having some of his shrimp was tantamount to a Christmas Dinner for me.  So I tried it.

 

My exultant celebration was brought to an abrupt end. The shrimp was cold, tasteless and soggy. It really was the first bad shrimp I had even eaten. I set it down slowly and looked around at the sour faces which were silently asking to go home. Together we got up and put our Styrofoam dishes in the empty trash can and headed to the car.

 

"How about some Mac and Cheese?" I asked as we buckled in.  

 

"Thanks, Dad" they collectively said. Then Aiden added, "Please don't ever take us there again."

 

"You bet buddy," I said knowing that I'd have to hide my LJS cups and bags when I came home from now on.